an interview with Satan
Mike: Hello, Satan. How are you?
Satan: Fantastic. Fan-tastic. Any trouble finding the place?
M: No, your directions were fine.
S: Good. I worry people are gonna get lost down here; get themselves all turned around in the Labyrinth, get scalded or something. Just causes me a lot of hassle later on down the road, you know?
M: I understand. So, I guess we should get started.
S: Fire away.
M: Okey dokey. First things first; how was your summer?
S: Ummmmm... it was okay. Pretty relaxed. Worked a lot.
M: Did you go anywhere?
S: Yeah, actually. I went to Sacramento for a few days and i spent a week in Norway. They love me there.
M: I heard. Was it fun?
S: Oh, for sure. I got this tattoo, check it out. (shows tattoo on upper right arm; it's a tattoo of a naked, large breasted Medusa riding a winged bear over a city skyline)
M: Wow. That's awesome. Was it expensive?
S: No. I got a discount. I know the guy.
M: Rad.
S: Indeed.
M: So, it's autumn now and Halloween is right around the corner. Is that a busy time of year for you?
S: You know, it used to be, but these days... I don't know, it's gotten pretty commercial. Besides, there's so many kids out there causing shit I could probably not show up and no one would notice.
M: I used to love causing shit on Halloween.
S: I know you did. I remember that year you stole that scarecrow of that old guy's porch and strung him up on the park monkey bars and torched him.
M: You remember that?
S: Yeah man, that was awesome. I didn't even have to make you do it or anything.
M: Wow, thanks Satan.
S: No problem. (a vigorous high five is exchanged)
M: Nice. Okay, here's one. What's your favorite movie?
S: I don't really have a favorite, but my top five are Amadeus, Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, Ronin, Scream Blacula Scream and The Fly.
M: I love The Fly! Orignal or Jeff Goldblum version?
S: The Jeff one. So deadly.
M: Shit yeah. What have you been listening to lately?
S: Not too much new stuff. Mostly weird shit from Japan. Pretty stoked for that new Thurston Moore solo joint that's coming out.
M: I've heard it. It's excellent.
S: You've heard it already?
M: Yeah, I stole it off the internet.
S: Atta boy! (another high five.)
M: What's your favorite food?
S: Probably....chocolate. Yeah, chocolate. Chocolate and souls.
M: Cool. Favorite TV show?
S: I don't want to sound vain or anything, but definitely the News. Doesn't matter what channel.
M: Okay, and do you have a favorite word?
S: Right now.....dickbarf.
M: Your favorite word is dickbarf?
S: Yeah,(laughs), it's pretty gross.
M: No shit. I've never even heard it.
S: It's new; kind of a Hell thing.
M: I see. Do you play any video games?
S: Yeah, there's a great one I've been playing for the past couple thousand years. It's called "Human Beings"!
M: Oh snap!
S: Ha! Seriously though, I'm not much of a gamer.
M: That's fine. Here's a spicy one: how's your love life going?
S: Wellll...I've been single for the past year or so, so I've just been enjoying that.
M: Who were you with before that?
S: I'd rather not say. She's kind of famous, and we really weren't interested in being one of those 'high-profile celebrity couples'; adopting kids in Africa and all that garbage. I don't need that. It ended amicably though, we still talk.
M: Was she a "demon in the sack"?
S: (frowning) I'd appreciate it if you didn't use derogatory slurs in my lair.
M: Oh. Shit.....I didn't....I'm sorry if I..
S: Haha! Relax, I'm just fucking with you. She was hot though. Magma from the core hot.
M: Sweet. Well, that'll about do it I guess. Thanks for taking the time to do this and having me down here and everything.
S: Shit, anytime man. I had a lot of fun.
M: Me too. Well, right on ,Satan. I guess I'll see you around.
S: For sure. Take care of yourself.
M: I will. Bye.
S: Later.
Satan: Fantastic. Fan-tastic. Any trouble finding the place?
M: No, your directions were fine.
S: Good. I worry people are gonna get lost down here; get themselves all turned around in the Labyrinth, get scalded or something. Just causes me a lot of hassle later on down the road, you know?
M: I understand. So, I guess we should get started.
S: Fire away.
M: Okey dokey. First things first; how was your summer?
S: Ummmmm... it was okay. Pretty relaxed. Worked a lot.
M: Did you go anywhere?
S: Yeah, actually. I went to Sacramento for a few days and i spent a week in Norway. They love me there.
M: I heard. Was it fun?
S: Oh, for sure. I got this tattoo, check it out. (shows tattoo on upper right arm; it's a tattoo of a naked, large breasted Medusa riding a winged bear over a city skyline)
M: Wow. That's awesome. Was it expensive?
S: No. I got a discount. I know the guy.
M: Rad.
S: Indeed.
M: So, it's autumn now and Halloween is right around the corner. Is that a busy time of year for you?
S: You know, it used to be, but these days... I don't know, it's gotten pretty commercial. Besides, there's so many kids out there causing shit I could probably not show up and no one would notice.
M: I used to love causing shit on Halloween.
S: I know you did. I remember that year you stole that scarecrow of that old guy's porch and strung him up on the park monkey bars and torched him.
M: You remember that?
S: Yeah man, that was awesome. I didn't even have to make you do it or anything.
M: Wow, thanks Satan.
S: No problem. (a vigorous high five is exchanged)
M: Nice. Okay, here's one. What's your favorite movie?
S: I don't really have a favorite, but my top five are Amadeus, Close Encounters Of The Third Kind, Ronin, Scream Blacula Scream and The Fly.
M: I love The Fly! Orignal or Jeff Goldblum version?
S: The Jeff one. So deadly.
M: Shit yeah. What have you been listening to lately?
S: Not too much new stuff. Mostly weird shit from Japan. Pretty stoked for that new Thurston Moore solo joint that's coming out.
M: I've heard it. It's excellent.
S: You've heard it already?
M: Yeah, I stole it off the internet.
S: Atta boy! (another high five.)
M: What's your favorite food?
S: Probably....chocolate. Yeah, chocolate. Chocolate and souls.
M: Cool. Favorite TV show?
S: I don't want to sound vain or anything, but definitely the News. Doesn't matter what channel.
M: Okay, and do you have a favorite word?
S: Right now.....dickbarf.
M: Your favorite word is dickbarf?
S: Yeah,(laughs), it's pretty gross.
M: No shit. I've never even heard it.
S: It's new; kind of a Hell thing.
M: I see. Do you play any video games?
S: Yeah, there's a great one I've been playing for the past couple thousand years. It's called "Human Beings"!
M: Oh snap!
S: Ha! Seriously though, I'm not much of a gamer.
M: That's fine. Here's a spicy one: how's your love life going?
S: Wellll...I've been single for the past year or so, so I've just been enjoying that.
M: Who were you with before that?
S: I'd rather not say. She's kind of famous, and we really weren't interested in being one of those 'high-profile celebrity couples'; adopting kids in Africa and all that garbage. I don't need that. It ended amicably though, we still talk.
M: Was she a "demon in the sack"?
S: (frowning) I'd appreciate it if you didn't use derogatory slurs in my lair.
M: Oh. Shit.....I didn't....I'm sorry if I..
S: Haha! Relax, I'm just fucking with you. She was hot though. Magma from the core hot.
M: Sweet. Well, that'll about do it I guess. Thanks for taking the time to do this and having me down here and everything.
S: Shit, anytime man. I had a lot of fun.
M: Me too. Well, right on ,Satan. I guess I'll see you around.
S: For sure. Take care of yourself.
M: I will. Bye.
S: Later.
posted by mike | 4:58 PM
|
3 comments
